


everything i wanted

by hallieCB3



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Fix-It, Force Dyad (Star Wars), I Will Go Down With This Ship, POV Rey (Star Wars), Rey Needs A Hug, Rey-Ben, Reylo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29544828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hallieCB3/pseuds/hallieCB3
Summary: One-shot AU: Rey cannot sleep on her last night in Tatooine.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	everything i wanted

**Author's Note:**

> Happy belated Valentine's Day! As part of the #ReyloLove, here is a one-shot AU I wrote inspired on a random idea I had.¿, inspired on "everything i wanted" by Billie Eilish.

_I had a dream_   
_I got everything I wanted_   
_Not what you'd think_   
_And if I'm being honest_

Rey couldn't sleep.

The only reason she had wanted to come back to a deserted place like Jakku was because it was the only place in her memory and she hoped her family would come back for her. But they would never come back. Regardless of the complicated story behind her being dropped in Jakku and her heritage, she had been left behind.

She didn't like the sand. She didn't go as far as hate it, but it was coarse, and rough and irritating and it would get everywhere. But growing up in Jakku and thinking someone would come for her, she didn't dwell so much if either she liked it or not.

She opened her eyes, but she was not in Jakku.

It was her last day in Tatooine and she was already counting the minutes to leave that wretched place. No way she would stay in such a terrible place. The galaxy was huge for her to look for another better place for what she would want to do next.

Perhaps she had a mission. To pass on what she had learned. To make sure the light of the Jedi didn't go extinguished.

There were a lot of worlds she might end up going. A lot of places she might want to visit. A lot of cultures to get to know closer. And of course, one of her goals was to find other Force sensitive beings to keep learning and teaching the ways of the Force.

But that would be a problem for tomorrow's Rey. Present's Rey was cold.

As incredible as it might seem, living in a desert meant enduring hot days but cold nights, when the warmth of the twin suns was gone and darkness abounded.

She got up and opened her bag to look for something to keep herself warm - not that she had so many options.

Perhaps her old Jakku wraps could do, she thought while trying to find something in the darkness.

But the something she found always made her feel like her heart would go out of her chest.

His black sweater.

_And you say, "As long as I'm here_   
_No one can hurt you_   
_Don't wanna lie here_

Touching the soft fibers of that specific garment kept bringing her sad and painful memories.

Her being gone for good and feeling void, as swimming into a complete darkness.

Then the soft touch of his hand and his bloodied and wounded face, looking at her with that intense gaze she noticed from the moment he removed his helmet from the first time.

The feeling of relief when she called him with his true name and immediately felt the touch of his lips on hers while his loving arms were holding her.

His eyes shining bright with love and happiness for having brought her back from the dead, and the sweetest smile she had seen in his face.

And then a feeling like her heart was being stabbed with a cold knife, when he felt down and disappeared, leaving her behind.

"You said I wasn't alone." she whispered, while a silent tear rolled over her cheek.

_Nobody cried (cried, cried, cried, cried)_   
_Nobody even noticed_   
_I saw them standing right there_   
_Kinda thought they might care_

She came back to Ajan Kloss but she didn't know how she made it. She was operating in auto mode, knowing the Resistance had finally triumphed but at what cost. She saw all the remaining fighters coming back and joining in hugs and cheers for their heroes, but she mourned the fact that nobody knew how much they owed to him. She grieved for his mother and how she never got to hold her son again, that little boy who once wanted just to become a pilot, like his dad.

She automatically embraced her friends and truly felt happy that they came back unharmed, but she felt incomplete.

And then she had left them temporarily to go to Tatooine, as she felt she had to. But not to stay.

But the question was, where to go next?

She knew what she had to do but she didn't know if she had the strength to do it.

And right now, she was still cold, so without thinking it further she put on his sweater. Of course it was large for her, so she clung to a section and held it close to her face. With her eyes closed, it was as if she could feel still his embrace, and still get a soft trace of how he smelled.

She cried harder thinking that his scent would one day disappear completely, as if anything that told her he existed and how much he meant for her would only exist in her memory.

He wasn't a saint, but she thought everyone had skeletons in their closets, from a certain point of view, and what mattered was that he had decided to change and redeem himself, and he was there when it mattered. Rey only wished he was still alive to have a chance to atone for all he had done, the crimes he had committed and the ones he had allowed, and help her building the Jedi order as a way to look for forgiveness from the galaxy.

She knew she would be able to do it by herself. But she would have preferred to have him by her side.

It was not that she couldn't live without him. But in fact, she wouldn't be alive if it hadn't been for him.

She kept sobbing softly, crying herself to sleep.

_I had a dream_   
_I got everything I wanted_   
_But when I wake up, I see_   
_You with me_

Rey woke up with a jolt.

It was still dark outside. But she wasn't in Tatooine anymore.

And she wasn't alone in her bed, either.

She looked upon her shoulder, and saw the silhouette of Ben sleeping by her side, softly holding her from behind.

It was just a bad dream. But she stood up, softly trying not to wake up Ben, as if she was afraid to change something.

_It might've been a nightmare_   
_To anyone who might care_

She came back from the fresher and he was still asleep.

It was slightly cold and she took his sweater from a nearby chair and put it on.

_If I knew it all then would I do it again?_   
_Would I do it again?_

She slowly came back to her side of the bed and seeing him breathing calmed her a bit. Rey got closer to his body, and held him resting her cheek on his chest. His heartbeat put her at ease.

As if summoned, she felt a soft kiss on her forehead while his hand started caressing softly her hair.

Rey thought of last night and his intense gaze, and how she was able to read on it how much he loved her and wanted her.

She thought of her lonely nights in Jakku, and how much things had changed for her in such a short period of time.

The belonging she had hoped it was not in Jakku, it was ahead of her, and for a bit she was so afraid she could lose him.

Things were so different of that distant dream, and while Ben was holding her again, she felt like he was home for her. Rey felt she wasn't alone anymore.

And neither was he.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are totally appreciated.


End file.
